Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
