I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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