dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
