this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
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seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Randomize