i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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