I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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