i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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