you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
