Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
