Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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