Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
They took my balls.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
