dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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