so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
