Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
