Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
