Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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