Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
