I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
