im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
