Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
