Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
