if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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