Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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