fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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