im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
