...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
