my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
