I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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