i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
