She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize