fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She even gives head with a lisp.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
