Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
someone owes me an orgasm
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
