Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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