How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
