We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
