He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
