I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
