Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
