My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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