You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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