so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
