so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
