Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I am spending my child support on dildos
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
