First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
