worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
