I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
