i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
