Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
