I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
