I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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