New low: just hacked my moms facebook
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I am spending my child support on dildos
My balls are so social today.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
