Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
