By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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