Im at strip club and am horny
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
