why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
