Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
