Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
