I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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